Saturday 31 July 2010

Patepisi - 2

...gledah edni novini po Nova. Novinite biaha zashemetiavashto interesni. Chestna duma edin chas ne se otkasnah ot ekrana – ustata mi presahna ot otvoreno, I se pitah dali sledvashtata novina ili reportaj she uspee da bie predishnata. Otgovor – Da. Kato se pochne ot sluha na (ne koi da e na angliiskia tabloid) Sun che na Berbatov brat my e otvlechen predi sedmica za milioni otkyp I za veroiatni zabarkvania s grupirovki, no maika my v Blagoevgrad kaza na reportera “Abe vie hora ludi li ste??” I sasedkata lelia Lencheto kaza “Ma kak?! Tuka si beshe choveka vchera. Kaza mi “Dobar den” – “Dobar den”! Ei ia e kolata my, e”; I se mine prez deloto sreshtu manekenkata gadje na Valio Toploto za iznydvane na balgarska biznes dama v razmer 30,000lv no biznes damata ygovorila da smakne reketa do 10,000lv samo I taka manekenkata dagje na Valio Toploto bila zalovena samo s tezi pari v nalichnost; I se stigne do zaplahite za otvlichane na decata na Ana Neznamsikoia (chestno da si kaja ne mi stana iasno po koia prichina). Po edno vreme se zapitah dali tova ne sa novite serii na Cosa Nostra (nali imashe edno vreme edin takav serial ili barkam neshto zaglavieto, no bi triabvalo da se dobiva kartina). Posle obache minahme na ikonomicheski novini. Za tova kak ima neznam kolko zastroena ofisna plosht na teritoriata na Sofia koiato sedi neizpolzvana I niakoia varvi za 3 evro na kvadraten metar, no moje bi ima varianti da se ysvoia za apartamenti ili magazini ili predpriemachite da falirat. Ei takiva mi ti raboti. Interesno.


…sashto taka ima nov fenomen koito az oshte April mesec zabeliazah, no sega se utvardi. Plastichnite hirurzi sa veche chast ot bqlgarskia high life. Parvo spisanie – novata miss Bqlgaria e mnogo dovolna ot spechelenata nagrada – novi gardi postaveni ot Dr. Enchev. Vtoro spisanie – na neznam si koi priem po neznam si koi sluchai prisastvali (sas snimki) neznam si koia pevica, neznam si koi politik … i plastichnite hirurzi bratiata Dr. Enchevi. Odelno bilbordovete navsiakade che Krasotata e Simetria. Niama losho, samo otbeliazvam.

…Sofiiska Zoologicheska Gradina. Vhod – 2 lv. Za deca pod 7 godishna vazrast – bez pari. (na fona Londonchani sa alchni dzverove @ okolo 20 paunda parcheto za stari i mladi). Inache vatre malko jalka gledka niakak si. Neznam zashto. Imashe edna kletka s absolutni offffce no na tabelata pisheshe Patagonska Mara. Az si pomislih che I v Patagonia imat kato nashte offffffce. Dokato snoshti ne izkomentirahme s edin drug skoroshen posetitel che tova izobshto ne bilo Patagonska Mara a che niakoi si e dal stadoto offffce na otglejdane v zoologicheskata gradina. I dobre che. Biaha edinstvenite jivotni koito mojehme da hranime sas soleti I decata si umriaha ot kef.

... vapreki chakaneto tuk tame koeto veche priemame za neizbejno, si zapazvam vpechatlenieto che medicinata ni e na mnogo visoko nivo. Na vsiakade mi obarnaha nyjnoto vnimanie bez da se barza, lekarite biaha drujeliubni, vnimatelni, veseli, zagrijeni, profesionalni i abe mi vdahnaha mnogo poveche doverie otkolkoto pregledite na Dr Popat ot Station Road GP Surgery, Hendon. I vsichko veshe organizirano samo s okolo sedmica predvaritelno i sreshty 35-185 lv na parche. Koeto pri pokachvashtia se otnovo (slava bogy, halleluyah, thanks God!) kurs na paunda si e fastqci v grandioznata shema na neshtata.

…no medicinskite kadri ot koito zavisi moita rengenova snimka na zab – sa na masichka pred klinikata s plasmasovi chashki kaso kafe i pushat

... manikiuristkata koiato peche nokti na predishnata klientka e na trotoara otpred s plasmasova chashka kaso kafe i pushi. Plus pone oshte 2 pati dokato se pekat moite nokti

…taximetrovia shofior pushi

…jenata s koiato sam na obiad pushi. Min 3 pati dokato az obiadvam I bez zapitvane dali imam neshto protiv

… Bqlgarina ne e socialen pushach ako pitate mene. Bqlgarina e absolutno asocialen pushach. No tova si e absolutno negov izbor I kakto se kazvashe edno vreme v igrata na lastik (koiato ne sam vidiala nito edno dete da igrae) – “Svobodna Bqlgaria!”

…I vapreki vsichko prognozata e za iasno I slanchevo, bez preobladavashta zadimena oblachnost

…no nai-gotinoto e che vse oshte ima hora koito stoiat na Lodki do posledno. E. Pushat. Ama tam e otvoreno prostranstvo. I vajnoto e che gi ima. Shtoto mi palniat dushata vseki pat. S pushek ama i mnogo drugi raboti.

Wednesday 28 July 2010

Patepisi - 1

... a e tva samo v BG moje da se sluchi  - shofiora na mejdugradski prevoz da mine v otsreshtnoto platno i da spre na otsreshtnia trotoar za da sleze da si kypi cigari ot butkata koiato e vsashtnost prozorche na maze. A patnicite chakame chinno.
....po ulicite varvia na prasti s nadejdata da zapazia ako moje tokchetata. Kak ne sme stanali vsichki balerini do sega?
....uspiah da otbia edin opit za "Izviniavaite, moga li da vi informiram za neshto?" s "Sajaliavam, az ne sam ot tuk i niama smisal, blagodaria". "Ne sam ot tuka"??!! Sreshty "nashia" blok na Doiran. Koeto technicheski a viarno shtoto az tam taka i niamah chesta da jiveia poradi mejdunarodna emi ili imi - gracia. A mojeha da me informirat ili za niakoia duhovna sbirka ili za niakoi metal koncert - az taka go predceniavam informatora. Nishto, drugia pat.
... Sadly, on day 1 of arrival I am continuously turning around startled by the fact that people around me speak a foreign language that I actually understand. Except that it is not a foreign language. It is my language. The one I keep searching out in a crowd, and the one in which sadly I don't feel I write anything as fluently or wittily as I do in the adopted one. Good thing is - by day 2 I have blended in. Adaptacia.
... A  v avtobusa "Chavdar" s komynisticheska tapiceria vchera se slushashe klasicheska myzika. I kid you not!!! Bratia Balgari! Doshal e kraia na Chalgaria!!!
... no standartnata uniforma prodaljava da bade danki i cherno kojeno iake. Dori v taia jega.

Thursday 22 July 2010

Of Mortgages and Men

I am beginning to supsect that the word Mortgage has a vicious definition completely omitted from any contract's small print.

Which I am not sure whether I should be angered about or what.

A derivative of "mortus" ("death) and "gag" ("a restraint device to stop the subject from calling for help") it is far more sinister than many suspect.

In other words - you get a mortgage, and you are dead meat, buddy!

From that point onwards you will no longer have the freedom to change jobs because you totally hate what you currently do and want to try this crazy idea you've been having for a loooong looong time but which is all a bit too risky. Becuase you have a mortgage.
From that point onwards you will no longer consider a round the world trip of discovery and amazement and doing nothing much but meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. Because you have a mortgage.
From this point onwards you will no longer splash out on totally random totally unnecessary things which give you pleasure just because. Because you have a mortgage.

And it's not that you REALLY can't. Of course you can! But you don't. Because what you perceive as the restraint is in actual fact stopping you from considering the possibilities, let alone their execution.

Because I have a mortgage.
I hear it all too often uttered as explanation by friends who I care about.
And I hear it all too often in my head when I can actually hear my own thoughts.
You've got to watch out fot that one.

It would have been a completely different ball game if they had called it Zoimike or something from "zoi" ("life) and "mike" (an amplifier device to help the subject project sounds of happiness).

Damn, why doesn't anyone put me in charge of words selection?? I'll do a better job.

Friday 16 July 2010

Loss

Define loss.
Losing at 78 games of chess. Not too big a deal since I went into them knowing I will lose but still played because it's fun. Would be good to develop the mental capacity to win at least one though.
Losing virginity. Surely, got to be grateful for that one. I mean - a spinster at 52 really is a dark dark prospect that I wish on no one.
Losing weight. Now then. Pretty awesome, especially if you have spent the last few years playing "The whale". No even funny. But explains the disproportionate spend on red dresses.
Losing your keys. A real small fucker, especially if you need the toilet.
Losing track of time. Easily done. Usually through doing something nice so a loss-win situation. Happens a lot on Facebook I find.
Losing the boy to someone else. Purely due to the order of events. And despite of having all things going for it. That's a really hard one. It turns out - even years later.
Losing my mind. Metaphorically speaking.
Losing hair. Expensive. Whichever way you go about it or about concealing it.
Losing face. More acceptable at dark.
Losing my dog to a hit and run car and holding it while it dies. Heartbreakingly painful. The worst of the losses. Undescribably so.
Lost in translation - countless times.
The consolation - that when you lose, you also win. Am at a loss to define what and how.