Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Patepisi - 4



Pregled na pechata nakratko:


Vqtreshnia ministqr Tsvetan Tsvetanov: Sledim goliama chast of banditite.

Taka gore-dolu kam kolko procenta ot banditite sledite, gospodim ministqr? A pogovorkata che “s gledane ne stava” znaete li ia?

Francia ni vrqshta ciganite.

Kato za nachalo – definirai “ciganin”. Che v razgara na letnia sezon I pecheni dypeta po moreta, kak tochno shte yspee da ne izgori I mokroto pokrai syhoto. Da ne govorim – shto pa tova delenie izobshto?

Prashtame nashi chengeta v Parijka oblast da gi ozaptiavat.

S drugi dumi: Sinio liato I Neochakvana vakancia.

Tecovete na maks zaradi klimaticite. Centralite puskat vsichki moshnosti

No ia se kachi v gradski transport da vidish za kakva temperatyrna amplityda si govorime. Sreshty 70 stotinki, smqkvash 1 kilo. Moshtnostite ne sa dostatachni.

V darjavnite slujbi: Opashki iadat 10 chasa ot rabotnata sedmica

E za tova ide rech. Izpitano parva rqka. Haide grajdani molia vi da minem na internet obslujvane, podavane na dokumenti, razplashtania I drugi takiva. Mnogo e ydobno, zaklevam se! Taman da se vazpolzvame ot klimaticite. Vapreki che ako sam otkrovena, taka shte zagubim identichnostta na sqshtnostta na koiato e osnovana nashta darjava: Chinovnika, negovite papeli, i gishe s tabelka za rabotno vreme koeto se spazva. V kraia na kraishtAta – predi vsichko red i disciplina.

Nashite cial chas v bitka s Talibanite: Atakuvaha gi s traktor bomba I raketi

E tam veche si e “ebalo mamata”. Nashte opaski pasti da iadat. Razgele, tozi pat bez jertvi

Opasnost ot geomagnitni buri: Slqnchevo tsynami ydria zemiata.

Kak li tochno stava takova tsynami? Baba ako beshe jiva shteshe da znae – tia mnogo gi sledeshe magnitnite buri I spored tiah ia boleshe glavata I vdigashe kravno. Pri tsunami sigurno izvanredni merki shtiaha da se vzimat, neznam.

Severno sianie she zaradva jitelite na Ostrova

Sega. Pretendiram che gore dolu poznavam narodo-spihologiata na jitelite ot Ostrova I da vi kaja, nikoi ne sedi da gleda siania. Parvo po tova vreme te sa v Mallorka I Costa del Sol, I vtoro: dori I tia deto sa si ostanali sa na barbeque v zadnia dvor. Birata se lee I se vartiat na jarta mrqvki, taka che sianieto prosto shte ostane nezabeliazano. Ubarkalo e Ostrova.

Vqzpiaga G-tochkata v chalga

Ne se I sqmniavam. Daje se chudia zashto chak sega.

Zabraniavat na nepalnoletni da razhojdat kycheta.

Globata shte e 2000lv (samo ne se ytochniava nepalnoletnite deto sa poiskali kuche li she ia plashtat, ili roditelite za deto s pravo gi marzi da go razhojdat i delegirat taia zadacha). Mejduvprochem vnezapna proverka v Borisovata gradina ystanovila che povecheto stopani sa imali izriadni dokumenti za domashnite si ljiubimci. Are you for real? Tova dokato Vqtreshnia ministqr Tsvetan Tsvetanov sledi po-goliamata chast ot banditite li e stanalo? Ei go na - kade se e poluchilo prerazpredelenieto na kadri. Check this out: “Vqzrasten mqj ystanovil che e ostavil dokumentite v kolata si i pomoli inspektorite da my razreshat da izticha da si gi vzeme. Prez tova vreme toi ostavi kucheto si i svoia priatelka “za zalojnici””. Ne se komentira vqzrastta na priatelkata na vqzrastnia mqj – znachi nishto neredno v tova otnoshenie.

Na Zlatni Piasaci: Armenskia pop prebit v diskoteka

Deistvieto se razvilo v diskoteka “Arogans” (b.r. from “arrogance” ama na kirilica). Kakto kazva baba Penka ot selo Studena, Pernishko: “E kaji mi sega kakvo e pravil pop v diskoteka. Kakva rabota ima tam, kaji mi?”

Izgoria kolata na ministqr

E. Ministqrqt e Tomislav Donchev, koito e ministqr bez portfeil. Sega veche i bez kola.

V golemite gradove: Djungla skri znacite. Shofiorite dori ne podozirat za tabelite

You are joking, right? Ti koga posledno vidia shofior koito chete tabeli i spazva patni znaci. Na men + bebeshka kolichka I na peshehodna pateka tip zebra nikoga ne sa mi spirali, a davam garancia che niamashe obrasla rastitelnost naokolo. Ne e djunglata skrila znacite. Djunglata si e po patishtata. A Darwin sedi otgore, gleda, zasykva mystak I cherpi po edno whisky celoto zavedenie.

Blokada: Granicata ni s Tyrcia be blokirana za devet chasa vchera, sled kato pian shofior na bqlgarski TIR blqsna djipa na Granichna policia na 10km ot Kapitan Andreevo. Kyrioznoto e, che sashtia TIR, no s drug, pak pian vodach, se hvqrli v kanavka krai Haskovskoto selo Briagovo predi po-malko ot mesec.

Az vikam che kyrioznoto e che se e blqsnal v djip na Granichna policia. Darwin nemoje da ne e cherpil oshte po edno.

Sled pianska svada: Lyda ubi sliapoto si gadje: Mariana dovarshila vqzliubenia s bytilka v glavata.

Darwin vchera e rabotil overtime.

Mladej arestyvan za sreden prqst: 23 godishniat I.D. beshe zadqrjan, zashtoto izkreshtial kqm policeiski patryl “PEDERASTI”. Mladejqt patyval v taxi I pokazal sreden prqst na vozeshtite se v kolata yniformeni.

E. Pravia vi ysluga s taia informacia. Da si zanete da ste po-diskretni sledvashtia pat. Znaete se koi ste.

Dva pozora za Temida v edin den: Pusnaha ybiicite na Galev. Ot kiliata izlizat i trimata ot “Vsichko koz”, iztochili 250 mln. lv. DDC.

250 miliona. Ne 25. 250. Za kakvo si govorime izobshto. No niama dostatachno dokazatelstva.

Eva, na 21 godini, ot Varna

Treta stanica, no tyka tia e goliam format.

Yvolniha shefa na letishte Sofia Stanchev . Prichinata za smianata bila nezadovolitelni finansovi rezultati...Osnovniat prioritet na novia shef Tanchev (b.r. razlika s edna bykva – demek: vse taia) shte bade prilaganeto na novi idei I podhodi v ypravlenieto na letishte Sofia, koito da dovedat do po-visoki ikonomicheski rezyltati

Haide brainstorm together: da ochakvame yvelicheni letishtni taksi koito shte se transferirat v po-visoki ceni na samoletni bileti; sashto po-skqp parking; po-skqpo kafence (che 3lv kafeto ne e dostatachno); plashtane za toaletni; moje bi kolichkite she stanat sqs stotinka (pa dano choveka se seti da snabdi pone I s dostatachna broika, a ne da se bieme edin samolet za 10 kolichki); poveche proverki ta da ima poveche globi neshto za nadvisheni kilogrami, previshen broi stekove I alkoholi v bagaja, drugi kontrabandni stoki kato naprimer sydjuk… s drugi dumi – ako vi se storiha samoletnite bileti do Sofia leko solenki taia godina, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Zabraniha radioaktiven plaj krai Sozopol

Samo edin li? Chovek neznae kak da reagira – s “Losho” ili s “Pak dobre!”

Jenite pak devstveni za 500lv: Masovi ekskyrzii do London predi svatbata. Bym na operaciite za vqztanoviavane na devstvenostta predi pqrvata brachna nosht otbeliazvat britasnkite zdravni eksperti.

Are Nacho – ti si! Daje she spestish transportnite razhodi.

Kali smenia Slqnchev Briag s London: Pevicata prekqsva dvymesechnata si vakancia (b.r. dvymesechna? Kade davat takiva vakancii bre?). Ygovorila si e ychastie v kyltovata mehana na bqlgarskite emigranti “Div Petel”.

Na tazi tema za crazy cocks i kyltove smiatam da zavarshim komentara za dnes.

Za vas reporter, prelistvasht sgtranicite na Bqlgarskia pechat (razbirai “Telegraf” no ne “Daily”) dnes be
Eliza Emilova


p.s. Komentatorqt zabeliazva edna Anglofilia I absolutno otsastvie na sqshtestveni mejdunarodni ili kultyrni novini. Sigurno sluchaino popadnah na absolutno podhodiashtia vestnik za tazi rybrika. Ama che kqsmet!

Monday, 2 August 2010

Patepisi - 3


...opashka za smiana na lichni dokumenti. Takiva deto sam sviknala po poshtata da prashtam i poluchavam sreshty podpis na schetovoditel (a takiva okolo mene mnogo) na gqrba na snimkata da potvardi che tova sam az. No ne.
Znachi.
Parvo otivash da proverish kak stava (poradi prichina che neznam na koi website ili telefon da zvania za informacia). I se okazva che triabva da se plati edna taksa parvo. No nemojesh da ia platish na miasto tam kadeto podavash dokumentite, a triabva da tragnesh da tarsish banka kakvato niama v posredstvena blizost. Namirash banka, no v bankata nemojesh da platish s karta na druga banka, primerno s znak Visa koiato se priema kade li ne po sveta. Samo s tiahnata karta ili kesh. Zatova izlizash na ylicata da tarsish bankomat. Parvia ne raboti. Vtoria ne raboti. Na tretia – jackpot! Obratno v bankata, veche s pachka kesh, kadeto razbirash che shte ti struva kam 100tina leva bavna porachka, ili ymnoji po 3 za 3 dnevna, ili ymnoji po koi znae – 8? 15? za ekspresna. Sashto razbirash che she ti vzimat mejdu 3.50 i 6 leva (zavisi ot bankata) bankova taksa za tova che si gi polzval da vkarash pari. Ako vadish dokumenti za dvama choveka, primerno dete, se plashta odelna bankova taksa nishto che e sashtata tranzakcia I sashtata banka I sashtia vnositel. A pa za shofiorska knijka e savsem odelno - I za sebe si pak nemojesh da go vkluchish kam sashtata transakcia I savsem otdelna bankova taksa se polaga. Demek – triglav zmei. Ma plashtash, ko da praish - ima nekakva igra i triabva da igraesh po pravilata inache ne igraesh. Obratno na opashkata za samite dokumenti. Tam ima 3 gisheta I niama mashinka s nomerca ili neshto takova primerno kakto za mesoto i sireneto v Sainsbury’s. V sledstvie na koeto mnojestvoto grajdani chakame chinno na edna opashka I kato se osvobodi gishe, parvia v opashkata otiva. No ima I takiva deto sa po druga sistema i gishe s 1 chovek znachi gishe na koeto se redish I se pravish che ne vijdash tia maloymnici deto chakat na dalgata opashka dokato naym si mislish “Balqci! Kak gi preredih samo, neka si kisnat tam kato krushi”. Obache na niakoi ot dalgata opashka neizbejno my kipva I kazva “Ma molia vi se! Ot tuka e opashkata!”. Sled koeto se zapochva edna prestrelka s veseli dymi I pqstry prilagatelni dokato krqvta naistina ne kipne I ne se stigne do “Na kaffff mi se praish BE (MA)/Da ti teglim edin boi li iskash BE (MA)/ I tn”. A toi samia e sas sinka pod okoto, koeto lichno na mene mi izglejda kato dokazatelstvo che boia i vlizaneto v nego go moje, i zatova gledam krotko s vlajni ochi na sarnichka i se molia savestnia grajdanin da prodaljava da malchi da ne go natupat, che nema da ima koi da my pomogne. Zabavno! Mejduvremenno ti idva red. I se zapochva edno tarsene v komputrite. Tyka ima, tuka nema. Za da se stigne do tam che spored bazata danni imash nevarnat predishen passport. Sega. Az verno che vsichkite predishni mejdunarodni pasporti si gi pazia. Ne zaradi dvoina identichnost I prestapni celi. Ne. Zaradi snimkite. Shtoto obiknovenno v po-rannite govini kogato imidg-a vse oshte imashe znachenie za men hodeh na frizior I posle na professionalen fotograf I tn. Abe hubavi pasportni snimki ti kazvam! Zashto da im gi vrashtam. Pak I se razsmiva chovek kato si gleda starite kadri. Plus zaradi vizite. Gotino e da si prelistvash starite pasporti I po vizite da si spomniash kade si bil I da te obzema sladka nostalgia. To ne che naposledak ni slagat vizi. Edno pechatche barem na granicata da slagaha – da znaesh koga si vlizal/izlizal. Sega – nishto. Edna jiteiska istoria za pred Home Ofic-a nemojesh da saberesh veche s pasportni pechati – za poslednite 5 godini koga si prebivaval I koga – ne. Eeee, kakvi vremena biaha! E sega za tia pasporti ako mi napraviat problem okapvame pravi, shtoto gi znam tochno v koe chekmedje sa mi. V London. Seha i DHL ako se naloji da namesvame.... Zashto be hora? Koga pa im stanaha na tia tolkova sophisticated sistemite, da mogat da zasekat takava informacia ot predi tolkova godini.
Kakto I da e. Okazva se che ne tezi pasporti imat vredvid. Zelenia passport ne sam si bila varnala. Toia pak kade e e totalno neiasno. Snimkata beshe cherno biala, otzad imah samo pechat za "glasyval"/"ne glasyval", I chestno kazano – ne e ot interes za men. Koi znae kade e izcheznal. Otvatre ti se spicha leko shtoto nadushvash problem. Ot tia deto imat mnogo slojno razreshenie, moje bi svarzano s popalvane na molbi v svoboden text, plashtane na globi (po vazmojnost v drugi banki), zagubvane na reda v opashkata i tn. A ti ne razpolagash s mnogo vreme, nito pak sas stamina za razreshavaneto na slojni problemi v taia jega I toia otpyskarski sezon. No chinovnichkata-sasedkata po gishe kazva che na mnogo hora taka im izlizalo na sistemata (da si zanete!) I da mi go pishat "ok/anyliran" I napravo da rabotime po izdavaneto na sledvashtia. Razminavash se na kosam. Phew! Razpechatvat ti edna blanka s danni I mnogobroini grafi i kytiiki za podpalvane za koito se iziskva mnogo ama mnogo dreben pocherk inache e garancia – nerazbiraemo. Iziskvat se danni na saprug (why?????? toi pak kakvo obshto ima s moia pasport? tova da ne ti e patriarhat??) I mani drugoto – ama danni I na maika I bashta!!!!!! E do koga be?? Az tova gnezdo go napusnah veche odavna – zashto oshte s peryshina ot nego me zanimavate? No ydara, istinskia ydar idva, ne kogato se okazva che sme prosrochili 3te meseca srok sled iztichane na predishnia passport predi da podademe za nov I  na vsichko otgore imame darzostta da ne nosime akt za rajdane, a kogato se okazva che na blankata na deteto triabva I maikata I bashtata lichno da doidat da se podpishat pred chinovnichkata v drugata staia. E ot kade da vi vzema bashta BE? Bashtata e prez 9 planini v 10ta. Da ne govorime che v tozi den I epoha e goliama diskriminatorna prezumcia che maikata I bashtata parvo sa zaedno; vtoro che letyvat zaedno; I treto che imat I dvamata vreme za gybene tochno v edin I sashti den na edno I sashto miasto. Ami sega? Tia taia bila slojnata I nerazreshima zadacha. Egati! Shah s peshka! Podpitvam az leko dali mogeme da si varneme pone parite plateni v neznam si koia banka za ysluga koiato niama da moje da ni bade izvarshena. Otgovor – da, tyk na miasto!!! (minus bankovata taksa). E kakva e togava igrata s bankite izobshto?? Za kakvo beshe tova tichane po banki i bankomati? Piavici!!
Vzimash si listofffkite. I se zapochva edno tarsene na himikalki. Che ima samo na gisheto ama te sa varzani s vrav protiv krajba, a vravta e kasa i ne stiga daleche plus himikalkata im e nyjna na tia na gisheto deto triabva da si popalniat i podpishat deklaraciata che sa im razpechatali listoffka za podpalvane.Abe da ima vartej na hartiata v ikonomikata na vlastta.
Ne si samo ti. Ot vsichki strani se chuva “Ptoshtavaite, himikalcheto? BlagodarA!”. Sashto se pochva edno zvanene po telefoni do maiki, bashti, I sapruzi za danni i EGN-ta I nomera na lichni karti. I kato se spravish s tova prepiatstvie, hich ne si stignal zlatnata iabalka. Oh ne! Narejdash se na drugata opashka. Tazi kadeto varvi oshte po-bavno I kadeto kato ti doide reda da vlezesh v kancelariata, ti proveriavat formata, podpisvash se lichno pred svidetel, posle te snimat ("ia dignete nagore, malko na liavo, poglednete nasam, ia malko nadolu, a taka!, ne, malko nagore, leeeeeeeeko naliavo ako moje da zavartite, ma ne cialata glava, samo ot vrata, a!, a! stoite taka! A! a! gotovo! E! ama svetlinata neshto mnogo losha be! Ia pak!) , vzimat ti otpechatachi ot dvata pokazaleca (ti malko se obarkvash koi tochno biaha tia - palci? pokazalci? it's all fingers to me), I posle se podpisvash na edna elektronna mashinka. Vsichko mnogo moderno! No za kapak nai-nakraia se vadi edin debel tefter I NA RQKA ti vpisvat nomera I imeto che si minal procedurata I koga da si tarsish dokumentite. Nemoje neshto chinovnicheska hartia da ne se prelistva.  I ti se napisva edno listche kato obratna razpiska demek. Koeto az lichno gledah kak edna chinovnichka reje s nojichka 10 minuti. Niama gilotini za riazane na hartia v golemi kolichestva i na pravi linii. Ne. S nojichka - kartonche po kartonche. I taka za vsichki grajdani.
Vsichko na vsichko procedurata otnema okolo 2 chasa v sledobednite chasove kogato niama hora. Abe stroina organizacia!
I kakto kazva bashta mi – “E za kvo ti e sega toia passport? Kade she hodish? E sega kato priemat I Sqrbite v Evropeiskia Saiuz I poveche za nikade niama da ni triabvat pasporti I samo s lichna karta she mojesh da si patuvash. Ti da ne si reshila da hodish v Saiuza?” A az my otgovariam vseznaino, kato tipichen pybertet deto ti se iska da my zashlievish edin shamar poneje e takav otvorko – “Ti nedei taka, che nishto ne se znae. Neznaesh koga she ti potriabva. Ei sega kato izgonat Garcite ot Evropeiskia Saiuz kato im bankrutira totalno darjavata Elinska I she vidish bez passport Belo more prez kriv makaron”.
Mejdu drugoto ot shofiorskata knijka napravo se otkazah shtoto tia e na savsem odelno gishe kadeto imashe oshte 100 goveda I kadeto se okaza che mi triabva I medicinsko. Tova ostava sega – da se hukneme I po medicinski pregledi/GP-ta/KAT I tn. Ai sikter! Otkazvam se publichno ot shofiorskite si prava na teritoriata na tazi darjava I ako se naloji s mejdunarodna knijka she karam ta kato me spre KAT da znae v paundi da me gloviaba. Za informacia: banknotite sa ot 5,10,20 i 50 pounda kato 50 po-riadko se sreshtat. Na stotinki po dobre bakshish da ne se vzima che moneti samo v specializirani change bjura gi priemat i she bade po-slojno.
I taka dnes razbrah kak tochno moito dete she se otkaje ot Bqlgarski passport. Po tochno taia ytapkana pateka. Ei taka se stava ot devet, sedem milionna darjava. No brainer!

… no v McDonalds (selo Studena) s detskoto menu mojesh da si izberesh koia igrachka da ti dadat. Mnogo po dobre ot ednosedmichnite promocii s po edin vid igrachka na koito sme sviknali, i koito nemienyemo zavarshvat s pazarlaci za povtorno poseshtenie dokato ne ylychime sedmicata s jelanata igrachka.
S drugi dumi – navsiakade si ima I plusove I minusi

… vav vhona na baba ima trabi no ne I parno. Parnoto e demontirano. Predpolagam veche ne otopliavame obshtite chasti. Shtoto sigurno koi plashta, koi ne plashta. A tam kadeto e bilo parnoto moje da se vidi kakav e bil predishnia cviat na vhoda. Zelen. Sega e niuans na kaiavo shtoto po ne se capa.


…na ploshtada ima cheshmichka za piene na voda. Funkcionirashta!! Kak da ne ti e milo I drago da otidesh da piinesh voda. Prokletite kapitalisti za podobno neshto pari ti vzimat, plus butilirat ta i prirodata da zamarsiavame. Vodata ot cheshmata moje da e s neysanoven proizhod, I e samnitelno blizo do Struma, no vkusna be!

…preminavane s avtomobil prez jilishten kompleks ti pozvoliava da nabludavash edin neveroiaten peizaj na individualnostta – na edni ni traibvat balkoni za prostirane, na drugi ni e malka ploshtta I balkonoysvoiavame; na edni ni e po-toplo I sme si na gol panel, na drugi ni e po-studeno I se toploizolirame. Ama v razlichen cviat za effect. Ako vidia edin blok na koito ot 1vi do 8mi etaj vsichki balkoni sa ednakvi i vsichkata toploizolacia v edin ton i pravena ne na parche, a ot gore do dolu – az lichno shte spra shofiora (che sam  s shofior shototo publichno se otkazah ot shofiorska knijka : ) i shte im pysna po 5lv v poshtenskite kytii ei taka shtoto sa mi napravili vizualen kef.

... a dokato pisha blog na selska terasa s izgled jugoiztochen - sviriat shturci, kucheta laiat ot vreme na vreme i komarite napravo me iziadoha. No v nebeto mojesh da vidish zvezdi!!

Saturday, 31 July 2010

Patepisi - 2

...gledah edni novini po Nova. Novinite biaha zashemetiavashto interesni. Chestna duma edin chas ne se otkasnah ot ekrana – ustata mi presahna ot otvoreno, I se pitah dali sledvashtata novina ili reportaj she uspee da bie predishnata. Otgovor – Da. Kato se pochne ot sluha na (ne koi da e na angliiskia tabloid) Sun che na Berbatov brat my e otvlechen predi sedmica za milioni otkyp I za veroiatni zabarkvania s grupirovki, no maika my v Blagoevgrad kaza na reportera “Abe vie hora ludi li ste??” I sasedkata lelia Lencheto kaza “Ma kak?! Tuka si beshe choveka vchera. Kaza mi “Dobar den” – “Dobar den”! Ei ia e kolata my, e”; I se mine prez deloto sreshtu manekenkata gadje na Valio Toploto za iznydvane na balgarska biznes dama v razmer 30,000lv no biznes damata ygovorila da smakne reketa do 10,000lv samo I taka manekenkata dagje na Valio Toploto bila zalovena samo s tezi pari v nalichnost; I se stigne do zaplahite za otvlichane na decata na Ana Neznamsikoia (chestno da si kaja ne mi stana iasno po koia prichina). Po edno vreme se zapitah dali tova ne sa novite serii na Cosa Nostra (nali imashe edno vreme edin takav serial ili barkam neshto zaglavieto, no bi triabvalo da se dobiva kartina). Posle obache minahme na ikonomicheski novini. Za tova kak ima neznam kolko zastroena ofisna plosht na teritoriata na Sofia koiato sedi neizpolzvana I niakoia varvi za 3 evro na kvadraten metar, no moje bi ima varianti da se ysvoia za apartamenti ili magazini ili predpriemachite da falirat. Ei takiva mi ti raboti. Interesno.


…sashto taka ima nov fenomen koito az oshte April mesec zabeliazah, no sega se utvardi. Plastichnite hirurzi sa veche chast ot bqlgarskia high life. Parvo spisanie – novata miss Bqlgaria e mnogo dovolna ot spechelenata nagrada – novi gardi postaveni ot Dr. Enchev. Vtoro spisanie – na neznam si koi priem po neznam si koi sluchai prisastvali (sas snimki) neznam si koia pevica, neznam si koi politik … i plastichnite hirurzi bratiata Dr. Enchevi. Odelno bilbordovete navsiakade che Krasotata e Simetria. Niama losho, samo otbeliazvam.

…Sofiiska Zoologicheska Gradina. Vhod – 2 lv. Za deca pod 7 godishna vazrast – bez pari. (na fona Londonchani sa alchni dzverove @ okolo 20 paunda parcheto za stari i mladi). Inache vatre malko jalka gledka niakak si. Neznam zashto. Imashe edna kletka s absolutni offffce no na tabelata pisheshe Patagonska Mara. Az si pomislih che I v Patagonia imat kato nashte offffffce. Dokato snoshti ne izkomentirahme s edin drug skoroshen posetitel che tova izobshto ne bilo Patagonska Mara a che niakoi si e dal stadoto offffce na otglejdane v zoologicheskata gradina. I dobre che. Biaha edinstvenite jivotni koito mojehme da hranime sas soleti I decata si umriaha ot kef.

... vapreki chakaneto tuk tame koeto veche priemame za neizbejno, si zapazvam vpechatlenieto che medicinata ni e na mnogo visoko nivo. Na vsiakade mi obarnaha nyjnoto vnimanie bez da se barza, lekarite biaha drujeliubni, vnimatelni, veseli, zagrijeni, profesionalni i abe mi vdahnaha mnogo poveche doverie otkolkoto pregledite na Dr Popat ot Station Road GP Surgery, Hendon. I vsichko veshe organizirano samo s okolo sedmica predvaritelno i sreshty 35-185 lv na parche. Koeto pri pokachvashtia se otnovo (slava bogy, halleluyah, thanks God!) kurs na paunda si e fastqci v grandioznata shema na neshtata.

…no medicinskite kadri ot koito zavisi moita rengenova snimka na zab – sa na masichka pred klinikata s plasmasovi chashki kaso kafe i pushat

... manikiuristkata koiato peche nokti na predishnata klientka e na trotoara otpred s plasmasova chashka kaso kafe i pushi. Plus pone oshte 2 pati dokato se pekat moite nokti

…taximetrovia shofior pushi

…jenata s koiato sam na obiad pushi. Min 3 pati dokato az obiadvam I bez zapitvane dali imam neshto protiv

… Bqlgarina ne e socialen pushach ako pitate mene. Bqlgarina e absolutno asocialen pushach. No tova si e absolutno negov izbor I kakto se kazvashe edno vreme v igrata na lastik (koiato ne sam vidiala nito edno dete da igrae) – “Svobodna Bqlgaria!”

…I vapreki vsichko prognozata e za iasno I slanchevo, bez preobladavashta zadimena oblachnost

…no nai-gotinoto e che vse oshte ima hora koito stoiat na Lodki do posledno. E. Pushat. Ama tam e otvoreno prostranstvo. I vajnoto e che gi ima. Shtoto mi palniat dushata vseki pat. S pushek ama i mnogo drugi raboti.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Patepisi - 1

... a e tva samo v BG moje da se sluchi  - shofiora na mejdugradski prevoz da mine v otsreshtnoto platno i da spre na otsreshtnia trotoar za da sleze da si kypi cigari ot butkata koiato e vsashtnost prozorche na maze. A patnicite chakame chinno.
....po ulicite varvia na prasti s nadejdata da zapazia ako moje tokchetata. Kak ne sme stanali vsichki balerini do sega?
....uspiah da otbia edin opit za "Izviniavaite, moga li da vi informiram za neshto?" s "Sajaliavam, az ne sam ot tuk i niama smisal, blagodaria". "Ne sam ot tuka"??!! Sreshty "nashia" blok na Doiran. Koeto technicheski a viarno shtoto az tam taka i niamah chesta da jiveia poradi mejdunarodna emi ili imi - gracia. A mojeha da me informirat ili za niakoia duhovna sbirka ili za niakoi metal koncert - az taka go predceniavam informatora. Nishto, drugia pat.
... Sadly, on day 1 of arrival I am continuously turning around startled by the fact that people around me speak a foreign language that I actually understand. Except that it is not a foreign language. It is my language. The one I keep searching out in a crowd, and the one in which sadly I don't feel I write anything as fluently or wittily as I do in the adopted one. Good thing is - by day 2 I have blended in. Adaptacia.
... A  v avtobusa "Chavdar" s komynisticheska tapiceria vchera se slushashe klasicheska myzika. I kid you not!!! Bratia Balgari! Doshal e kraia na Chalgaria!!!
... no standartnata uniforma prodaljava da bade danki i cherno kojeno iake. Dori v taia jega.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Of Mortgages and Men

I am beginning to supsect that the word Mortgage has a vicious definition completely omitted from any contract's small print.

Which I am not sure whether I should be angered about or what.

A derivative of "mortus" ("death) and "gag" ("a restraint device to stop the subject from calling for help") it is far more sinister than many suspect.

In other words - you get a mortgage, and you are dead meat, buddy!

From that point onwards you will no longer have the freedom to change jobs because you totally hate what you currently do and want to try this crazy idea you've been having for a loooong looong time but which is all a bit too risky. Becuase you have a mortgage.
From that point onwards you will no longer consider a round the world trip of discovery and amazement and doing nothing much but meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. Because you have a mortgage.
From this point onwards you will no longer splash out on totally random totally unnecessary things which give you pleasure just because. Because you have a mortgage.

And it's not that you REALLY can't. Of course you can! But you don't. Because what you perceive as the restraint is in actual fact stopping you from considering the possibilities, let alone their execution.

Because I have a mortgage.
I hear it all too often uttered as explanation by friends who I care about.
And I hear it all too often in my head when I can actually hear my own thoughts.
You've got to watch out fot that one.

It would have been a completely different ball game if they had called it Zoimike or something from "zoi" ("life) and "mike" (an amplifier device to help the subject project sounds of happiness).

Damn, why doesn't anyone put me in charge of words selection?? I'll do a better job.

Friday, 16 July 2010

Loss

Define loss.
Losing at 78 games of chess. Not too big a deal since I went into them knowing I will lose but still played because it's fun. Would be good to develop the mental capacity to win at least one though.
Losing virginity. Surely, got to be grateful for that one. I mean - a spinster at 52 really is a dark dark prospect that I wish on no one.
Losing weight. Now then. Pretty awesome, especially if you have spent the last few years playing "The whale". No even funny. But explains the disproportionate spend on red dresses.
Losing your keys. A real small fucker, especially if you need the toilet.
Losing track of time. Easily done. Usually through doing something nice so a loss-win situation. Happens a lot on Facebook I find.
Losing the boy to someone else. Purely due to the order of events. And despite of having all things going for it. That's a really hard one. It turns out - even years later.
Losing my mind. Metaphorically speaking.
Losing hair. Expensive. Whichever way you go about it or about concealing it.
Losing face. More acceptable at dark.
Losing my dog to a hit and run car and holding it while it dies. Heartbreakingly painful. The worst of the losses. Undescribably so.
Lost in translation - countless times.
The consolation - that when you lose, you also win. Am at a loss to define what and how.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

And this is why I am not the perfect woman

I don't have the stamina to wake up at 5:30am EVERY morning to do my 1.5hrs aerobics routine before my child wakes up. He actually wakes up at 6am which means I can't fit in a reading exercise, a maths lesson and a cuddle before making breakfast and in between the aerobics session, a hot/cold skin revitalising shower and getting ready to leave the house by 8:30am.

Which is why I will never achieve the perfect body shape (at the same time as not achieving my motherhood nirvana).

I don't have money to go to a hairdresser for a cut once a month and a blow dry twice a week. Which is why I have no choice but adopting long, free flowing, air blown hair every day without even calling it "bad hair day" - I mean: it is the norm.

I forget applying my heels cream, and my nail cuticle cream, and my anti-wrinkle cream, and my body lotion, and my face toner, and my lips balm, and my tired eyes serum, and my before-bed moisturiser, and my early-morning emulsion. I simply can't remember the order which is why I may occasionally win the battle but never the skin war.

I could negate the effects of aging if only I could fit in afternoon naps regularly, but more often than not it is make up that tries to conceal the defects so I splash some of it on, without really knowing the rules (if there are any). YSL touche eclad anyone? Yes, please!

I often suffer from shoe-ache and the stickers applied to the back of my feet don't really very well hide the scars of years of shoe abuse. I still am in possession of some seriously high heels but they don't see much mileage these days for lack of high heel places to go to and for unwillingness on my part to compromise my comfort if I do go.

Stretch marks crème did not work. That one was a goner even before pregnancy happened to me to be honest. Which is probably why I am not too convinced the anti-wrinkle ones will do any better job to beat the inevitable.

Cup sizes go up and down with time, as a function of weight gain/loss (mainly gain) and maternal weeks count. But the direction of their gravity is sadly always and forever down, down, down in their quest to reach the belly button line (which they may even surpass, should they confuse a stretch mark further down for the real thing).

I started off with waxing and de-hairing lower legs, moved on to upper legs, eventually to Brazil (and oh, boy - do they know how to have fun in Rio! - scream out loud!!), and after all that it appears that not only "baby skin" is never achieved except in babies, but you can get in-growths, spots, red rash and all sorts to spoil the desired effect which even a fake Saint Tropez spay on cannot hide. Always disappointing. Which is a bit worrying given that I have noticed of recent a hint of a moustache and three lonely beard hairs whcih I repeatedly uproot for them to grow back again (not to mention that the fake Saint Tropez has the capacity to really damage your white "I deserve it" undergarments).

I get period spots (which is only marginally better than teenage ones - on the plus side: they only happen once a month; on the negative - everyone knows you have your period; or may be only those of us who have our glasses on).

I don't have the time for teeth whitening, and flossing, and mouth wash cleansing, and manicure touch up, and a face mask and two cucumber slices every night.

And as I write this I continue to slide in my chair to what would become one day a visible posture problem because it just dawned on me I even forgot to take my vitamins and WellWoman nutritious supplements this week.

Money, time, stamina, memory, will - basically, don't be mistaken - this is a set up for failure from the outset.

Which is why (collectively) I will never achieve my perfect body form. No amount of protein, then carb, then veg, then only water diets on top of M&S elasti-pants will ever make up for the shortfalls.

And yet, as Kvazimodo looks in the mirror some mornings (some mornings, not all) I can't help but wink at the reflection thinking "Way to go, girl!"

And the world out there (probably mainly meaning men, but who knows?) will have to learn to either take it leave it. I do (or at least I try to).

The brilliant thing about all this is that I leave the house in the safe knowledge that there is no perfect woman out there - they all get spots and periods and split ends. So there is to equality!!

Friday, 14 May 2010

Will I?

Burning desire to be the first in formulating something .
Could I rise to the challenge of being the ultimate innovator? A creator? The one which is then copied and followed?
Do I have it in me?
Is the Gennie on the wall on my side?
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Would it come down one day and help me write something that captures imagination and thoughts beyond my circle of friends?
I don't even have an idea about an idea which to write about.
So can I know that the idea will emerge over time, if I stick with the burning desire for it?
I've got no choice but to believe so.
Can you imagine though the sourness of the disappointment of the failure if I never do?
Will the weight of all the other short term on-the-go achievements of various descriptions be enought to outweight the one that's missing?
Am Destiny's child, ei?
It's all out of my hands, until one day it may be flows through them. I hope.
Or the whole world will laugh at me.

Shadows of dangers

There is nothing in the world that I can feel the rawness of emotion and grief of stronger, than the thought I might lose Martin. Nothing, NOTHING, comes close and honestly - I can feel my heart breaking just then..There is no rational triger for that thought and the quick image accompanying the question of what could possibly be worse.  In such fraction-of-a-second moments I hate cars, airplanes, tsunamis, and deseases tera-times more than ever and everything. More than when I see them in pictures. Pictures happen to other people, while my feeling for my image is sickening .

Noone should ever have to go through such a thing. Ever. Bloody hell!

And yet some people do.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

#6) Detstvo moe realno i valshebno

Na 2ri (a po-kasno16ti) juni me zakarvaha na selo v zelen Moskvich s cherven "kojen salon" na koito ti zalepvashe dupeto or izpotiavane. Na 14ti septemvri me pribiraha, za da me okapat (s kese za edno seriozno svaliane na kir) i da me proveriat za vashki. Za moi losh kasmet tochno predi parvi klas i mi gi otkriha, namazaha me s nafta da gi ubiat, postrigaha me na panica (abe ne si spomniam, ama nai-veroiatno v domashni yslovia s metalnata nojica na baba ot chekmedjeto na shevna mashina Singer - i do den dneshen nai-cennata semeina relikva ako ne se laja), i v rezyltat: na vsichkite mi snimki kato chavdarche sam naravno s groznoto patence. I kalpaka s lqv otpred ne pomogna, no pak si znaeh vsichkite lozungi kato "Chavdarcheto e primerno deto, igrae, pee, uchi se, chete".

Plus sled manifestacia me vodeha v sladkarnica "Zaharno Petle" da iam pasta s jalti i rozovi rozi ot mnogo maslen krem proizvodstvo na "Sladkarska Kooperacia" ili mi kypyvaha gevrek ot diadoto deto prodavashe topli gevreci ot pletena kolichka na kolela.

Ne selo sabirah svetulki i gi slagah v burkan da mi svetiat noshtno vreme. Na sytrinta biaha ymreli no do vecherta si hvashtah novi. Te nikoga ne svarshvaha. Sashto imashe praznik narechen Orata-Kopata na koito mi praveha fakla ot stari parcali prikacheni kam edna prat sas rajdiasala tel i poliati s beznin, i rityala se sastoeshe v tova da razmahvam faklata nad glavata si predi da otidem s cialoto selo na goliamata klada or stari gumi do rekata. V rekata mai imashe ribki shtoto mai vednaj chicho mi hvana edna v naelonovo plikche.

Prez denia se kachvahme nad seloto na edno halmche narecheno Chuchulec do koeto se stigashe sled presichane na magistralata Sofia-Kulata. V tia podvizi vazrastni ne ychastvaha, ma da vi kaja - nai veroiatno marshruta ot tiah shte da sme go naychili.

V 5:30 hodehme da gledame y sasedcheto "Bendji, Zaks i Zvezdnia Princ", "Arabela" i "Choki" shtoto tam imashe televizor [malak format, no s antena]. Obache pak nashte chereshi biaha po hubavi i se sastezavahme sas svrakite koi prav shte stigne nai gornite kloni i nai vkusnite chereshi.

Mejduvremenno me prashtaha na pone dva lagera. Bosnek, Zemen, Ravda, abe - kade li ne. Chak i Savetskia Sajuz! S nashte si pishehme pisma. V plik. S marka i tn. Prashtash, pa chakash 2-3 dni che i poveche za otgovor. V sabota idvaha na svijdane i mi noseha pile s kartofi. Abe az si misleh che e malko jestoko ot tiahna strana, da si priznaia chestno, da me zatochavat taka za po dve sedmici dva pati v ramkite na tri meseca. Ama kvo da se pravi - obuvash sinite gumenki s vrazki i igraesh narodna topka po cial den - kakvo mnogo mnogo da go mislish. Za sledobedna zakyska - filia s ljutenica ili rusensko vareno.

Vkashti sutrin mi otvariaha vrata i po niakoe vreme vecher pochvaha da sviriat ot balkona da se pribiram. Prez promejdutata ot vreme mejdu tia dve sluchki - ne e iasno koi e bil naiasno kade sam i kakvo pravia. Kvo pak tolkova - igraia si pred bloka.

V nedelia sytrin v kinoto davaha detski film i hodehme redovno. Posle doide "Banda BMX" i s tova - i drugi mechti. Moita se sbadna pod formata na Balkanche. Or 88 leva. Ne tia ot 114 leva s oblegalka i skorosti. Spukah go ot karane s bandata i iadene na sledoled na prachka "Eskimo".
Podvarzvah si tetradkite za ychilishte i im lepiah krasivi etiketi s kancelarsko lepilo i mnogo se gordeeh s rezultata. Ychebnicite ni gi razdavaha v ychilishte, ako imame kamet - niakoi i chisto novi. No pak v zamiana triabvashe da izdavame 5 kilograma shipki, 10 kilograma hartia i 20 prazni bytilki. Sluhovete biaha che niakade izdavat i kesteni. Abe ot shipkite stava shipkov marmalad "Pektin", hartiata i bytilkite se prerabotvat i vtoroizpolzvat. Ama na kestenite kakva im e faidata? I do dnes se chudia.

Ot vreme na vreme v uchilishte minavaha razni agenti (sega razbiram che se narichali bili "bookeri") koito ni stroiavaha po visochina i otsiavaha zvezdite. Ot kraia na opashkata biaha hudojestveno gimnastichkite. Ot nachaloto (za sajalenie) ne tolkova shikoznoto - volei i basketobolistkite. Odelno biaha hor, hora i prilojno izkustvo, i vsichkite tam drugi krajoci na koito hodehme bez nashte da plashtat - iskashe se samo jelanie.

Ta malko me sriazva ei tuka kato si pomislia che samo za edno pokolenie taka sa se smenili neshtata s taia Health and Safety korektnost i che az vsashtnost sam glaven geroi v sistemata. Che oglejdam edno dete koeto izglejda da e shtastlivo, no nikoga ne e bilo gore na chereshata; na koeto absolutno niama da my dam da preticha magistralata, da ne govorim che sreshtu Chuchulec veche ima McDonalds-s.Studena i toi moje i hich da ne iska da goni peperydite po baira kato ima Happy Meal na oferta; haide za fakla moje i da se navia - ama nai-veroiatno ne, ot strah da ne me raportyvat za irresponsible parent; Otglejdam dete s ednomesechna liatna vakancia, no 24 chasova cartoon network. What happened??

Friday, 2 April 2010

Network Action

I am finding it fascinating - how networking might actually work.

My friends are gradually starting to set up ventures of their own, turning hobbies into businesses and businesses into passions, and apart from the pride I feel for them (for us, really, go go 30 somethings!!), I am finding the first-hand experience of networking in fact incredibly interesting. Very "IN" indeed!!

I look forward to capitalise on those connections and eventually connect two of them may be. And not for the commission. I mean - how cool would it be to put in touch two of your friends who may not necessarily know each other but who might, through you, establish a common ground professionally and possibly one be happy with the service and the other - all the richer for it. That'll be wicked!!

And my web is stretching to all spheres of life. I can practically provide you with the complete experience. Cosa Nostra, eat my shortssss!!!

I now have:

A Chartered Accountant who set up a recruitment agency and whose ambitious recruitment event is on 11th May www.blueprint-talent.co.uk
An IT consultant whose rock band is about to have their 3rd gig in as many months http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgmq6u3QcSM
A Marketeer who has decided to go it alone across the pond - expertmarketinghelp.com

I know where to send you for:

Help with relocation to beautiful Bulgaria www.bgexpat.bg
Or for your house or loft extention plans architeque@live.co.uk
Or the execution of the interior work- LinkedIn: D end M ingenering
Or the beautiful art to decorate your walls www.nadiasart.com or michaelorwick.com
Or your garden landscape features www.pipbrothers.com
Or the fine french lingerie for girlfriend or self (as the case may be) eeeeeeee tam @ Etam
Or the fine wine for before the fine french lingerie is taken off www.zelas.co.uk
Or the visas for your holiday www.gotorussia.co.uk

I can find you someone to organise your teambuilding event; cleanse your face; build a car; write a book; publish a book; look after kids; clean your house; teach you to skateboard; look after your garden; facilitate a training event; translate; fix a laptop; fix your broken limb; fix the electrics ........... Seriously. I think I can do it all. Not to mention that my reach spans 3 countries. That's some international might I have, right?!

Plus I just feel elated and proud for the people with the ideas and the assertiveness, who are risking it and making it. These are my people!!!!!

And hats off to you all - I find you inspirational

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Spilling the Beans

31 March. That used to be The Date. The Date that was going to be the end of it all. The pinnacle. The salvation. The promise of a beginning of what could be life outside work. In a Big 4 audit firm. The cut off point that you fixed your mind on to salvage some spirit during the numerous all-nighters and near all-nighters you slaved through in the "busy season".

And even though you had a crap Christmas just thinking about "busy season" coming your way, it was possible to find courage and thank God for the small mercies. Like the first couple of weeks of January when the client Finance department is still working on cooking the books and you are just cruising through what can only be described as the calm before the storm while skilfully rolling forward prior year files.

Then as you are still rolling forward, the storm rolls in and engulfs you.

The storm with its multiple faces. With the demands of grumpy client staff who often have no time for you but find time to want things of you, as well as to leave for home bang on time at 5pm. Oh, the rush to the lifts at that point - it was enviable, if only we could also do that!

The storm with the need to endure the countless unreasonable requests (orders?) of partners who sometimes were not your “partners” at all, but who instead spoke and acted like they kick the ball for the other team.

The storm with the drain on your resources that were the audit juniors. Who just like a big umbrella supposed to protect you from the elements, only tires your hand, until eventually you pack it up and face the music alone.

The storm with its smells of Wagamama and Pizza Express take-aways as dinner and bedtime hours come and go by while you work on the next audit working paper, whispering "Good night!" to you sweetheart over the phone.

But I mean, you could kind off mobilize all inner strength to get through it all. Because as the storm rolled in, so did the days to 31 March. The filing and reporting deadline. Every little inconvenience along the way, every single late night, every single coffee drunk to keep your eyelids somewhat open and your brain somewhat sharp in the darkness, brought you closer to it. 31 March - the end, the pinnacle, the salvation. So you got your grip and did it. Never for one minute letting the thought of 31 March leave your mind and your wildest dreams (for this is as wild as they come in "busy season").

Some years you would even have Easter on the other side of the threshold to live for. Possibly a holiday. Some years the calendar lottery screwed you over and Easter fell in March and you knew for well that under no circumstances would holiday and time off be a possibility. While the world celebrated Spring, you were still be locked away clearing open review notes. Even then, in these grave circumstances 31 March was still "It".

And then these jokers, the Regulators, come along and change the filing deadlines to give more time to these other jokers, the Client finance team, to be able to cope with the extra reporting requirements. Or something. So no more 31 March. The goal post has shifted. And it feels like the only April fools out there are actually - right here. At least there is only 30 days in April. Oh, the small mercies.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

#3) It's a Birthday!!!

Dear uncle Lubcho I antie Irji,

My name is Martin and I was born 3.5 kg on 21 January 2005 just after lunch time (which was convenient so we could all eat lunch, which is important if you know my mum and dad, especially as we had not eaten since the night before). Mum says my delivery was not that bad and she would do it again any day although apparently she lost her voice from shouting while I was being born and said some bad words to the people at the hospital. Which was naughty. But she feels a bit proud as she did not have any pain relief other than 'gas and air' and she says they should call that just 'thin air' and stop misselling to the general public as it does f**k all.

I really want to meet you but you know how in Bulgaria you are not shown to adults for 40 days because adults breathe germs and stuff so we will have to be patient. My 40 days are up on 1 March which is kind of cool because it coincides with Baba Marta which happens to be my ‘name day’ and also the first day we will be moving into our new house. So I am probably going to be having my 'Pogacha' party then but I will let you know details nearer the time. But may be if you have got a cold or anything you could come and see me another time as I would not have had my immunisation yet. I am available most days since I have very little to do at the moment but sleep, eat, poo and that's about it most of the time. Oh, and I also like to be awake between the hours of midnight and 6 am every night. Mum says to Dad that may be we should consider relocating to the other hemisphere to accommodate my sleeping patterns and that Australia sounds like a nice place and that hopefully our friends will be able to come and visit occasionally. But I am not sure when we are going.

I am sending you a picture of me so that you can recognise me in the crowd at the party in case there are lots of people. The predominant opinion is that I look like mum but she disagrees. She thinks I look like Dad and even more like some guy called Yoda but I don’t know who that is yet.









I am not sure if the Yoda guy is coming to the party or not but mum says THE FORCE will be with us and that we hope you would be too.

Kisses and cuddles,

Marti

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

#2) 25 random facts about me


1. I spend most of my money on concert and theatre tickets. Annual bill often runs into 4 digits. I keep a list on the back of the kitchen calendar of who I have seen which I sometimes look at to remind myself of the good times and of how lucky I am to have had the opportunity. This year to the list I am adding Sharleen Spitteri (Texas), Tina Turner, Megadeath+Judas Priest+Testament, Pink, (wait for this!): Girls Aloud (you wouldn’t have guessed, right?), Oasis, The Prodigy, Take That, ACDC and Buena Vista Social Club. There will be a couple of musicals and/or stand up comedy at some point as well. Not bad for a credit crunch year I would say. But sometimes I look at the weekly Ticketmaster ‘new concerts tickets’ listing (to which I obviously subscribe) and do not recognise a single name. Who are these new bands and singers and acts and where are they coming from left, right and centre??!! Bottom line: I am getting old. I am no longer part of the cool young ‘in’ crowd. Oh well. It’s crowded there anyway.

2. I failed my driving test more times in total than a normal person will care to admit to: 2 times on the theory (which for me was rather unexpected and happened only because I chose to go to Sozopol instead of putting my efforts in memorising multiple choice questions about stopping distances), 2 on the parking lot (can’t explain that one, but I am shit hot now on emergency stops and uphill starts) and (wait for this!) 8 times streets driving. In Pernik. Where there are 2.5 cross roads (the half being the only T-junction) and as many traffic lights (with the half being the one which always flashes amber). My passing in the end had something to do with my uncle kind of knowing and being kind of neighbours with the Sergeant from KAT who gave me a 'pass' in the end (and told my dad, waiting for me at the finish line, to not really let me drive unsupervised for some time). No bribery money actually changed hands though. I blame the failure obviously not on myself but on the fact that my driving instructor was a retired Army general (or a suitably impressive high Army rank), who used to beat me with a stick across my hands tightly gripped on the steering wheel if I even did a wrong "manevra". I was scared and now I know full well that scared people are not very open to learning. You've got to create the right learning environment for learning to take place. And the right learning environment for me is more about the carrots than the sticks. Literally. 10 years later (and not having driven in the intermediate period) I passed on 1st attempt my driving test in the UK (where apparently, I am told, is quite difficult to pass): for the theory + danger awareness simulation with a score much higher than what my driving instructor scored and also on 1st attempt on the streets of London with its lot more cross roads and traffic lights and even cars on the wrong side of the road. Go figure.

3. My sister is my best friend. Strictly speaking, on technicallity - she should be disqualified from the competition on the basis that she is family and that title usually goes to others - people you chose yourself and who were not imposed on you by the circumstances (which in my case worked out fine obviously). So I have a bunch of other friends (I would say 10 – it’s just easier to keep track of them on my fingers) who I call my best friends and who meant at one point or another (and still mean) soooooo much to me even though we may not necessarily keep in touch that regularly. But I know they are there and we pick up where we left off every time. All of them are Bulgarian and half of them are in Bulgaria. Some of them are not even on Facebook despite my best efforts to get them to join in (for some reason Facebook just does not catch on with the Bulgarian over 30s). The early friendships you forge just stick, don’t they? I hope that they know they are on my "hit" list and that the feelings are mutual, Facebook or no Facebook.

4. Despite all the need of the real world for teamwork, I feel awkward working in teams. Most of the times. I am a loner at heart. I hate ‘sharing responsibility’ – what does that mean? It’s either my responsibility or it is yours. Can’t be both. According to some guy called Belbin who came up with some theory of how teams operate and what roles people play in those team (and you can wiki this if interested or ask me for the questionnaire if you want, it is fascinating!) I am a Plant. A massive one. Like – the highest score for Plant from anyone in the room when I do the questionnaire. According to the wiki short version of this theory “Plants are creative, unorthodox and a generator of ideas. If an innovative solution to a problem is needed, a Plant is a good person to ask. A good Plant will be bright and free-thinking.” Agreed, this is me - proud and loud. All a procrastinating situation needs is one of me to be planted in for things to start ralling again. So there you have it. If you need ideas, and open blue sky thinking, and oxygen – I will be there for you - I am a Plant. I put that fact on my CV, quote unquote. Interview panels never fail to ask me about it. Which just proves the point - the Plant tries hard to stand out and one way or another - finds a way to do so.

5. I looooooooooooove my job. My job was in the Grand Plan. It’s just that I thought I will be doing it in about 20 years time. I didn’t intend to change the Grand Plan, circumstances forced it to change. But to be honest – best thing that happened. I now live a zero stress level life (zero.nil.nyla.none.nada). Can’t explain but it made a massive difference. Zero stress level life is incredible and you probably only fully appreciate it when your life was way off the stress-ometer scale before. And I finally found something which I feel and I know I am absolutely good at. I know it. They know it. I am an Asset. No longer a Liability (accountants talk, can’t escape that fact). Awesome feeling though. Every single day. Beat this if you can. This, and the 6 months summer holiday. Who cares about the money.

6. I would not describe myself as a party animal. I don’t think I ever was one. But at one point I was addicted to reading ‘Time Out’ magazine. I had to cancel the subscription. It turned out that not knowing what was happening in London was the much cheaper option. That was the compromise I had to make in the name of not going totally bankrupt (which will be pretty damaging for an accountant, albeit a non-practicing one). Deep down I still want to know though. Having places to go gives you direction and drive and mostly - surprisingly good times. So very occasional short trips to the WHSmith magazines sections it is then. For the time being.

7. I loved it when I was little to cuddle up with mum and dad in the mornings and have my back scratched and pictures finger-drawn on it for me to guess what it was. Still the case. Scratch my back and you've won me over - I will purrrrrrrrrr like a pussycat [dall] and give you anything. And I made sure Martin cuddles up with his mum and dad in the mornings to have his back scratched and pictures finger-drawn on it for him to guess what they are. Largely, you can do a sun, or a house, or a pink power ranger, or a yellow power ranger, or a digger in much the same way - he does not seem to mind or know any better as long as tickles and giggles come out of that. It took me a while to get him to appreciate it but we got there. I am also training him to scratch my back in return. Firstly, it teaches him about give and take. Secondly, I can't exactly get my mum to do it no more. And thirdly, it would be a good skill to have mastered when he hits the jackpot with the girls one day. I hope he (or they) thank me for it. Best thing ever when he does it now though for the whole of....well, 5 seconds. Attention and consentration span are still under development.

8. Dogs. Not cats. Even though I had only 2 dogs versus about 3-4 cats over the years. Once you have upgraded to dog (which is what happened in my case) - you've had it. Who wants to fly Economy when they have drank the champaigne in Business Class? And the dog has to be a cocker spaniel. Ginger.

9. I don’t really know much about art. I am not an intellectual. I wish I was but I am not. I don’t really do art galleries much. May be occasionally. Museums and Photographic exhibitions – yes; but art galleries – not really. I don’t know how to work out what the artist wanted to tell me. I kind of think people who claim they know are border case delusional. I think they presume to know but they don’t really, only the artist knew. And may be sometimes (most of the times?) even the artist did not want to tell us anything at all - (s)he just had the urge one day to paint something. But I can tell when a picture is visually pleasing. That’s how I judge art – on the visual impact. On reflection – if I do do art, tends to be art that has something in common with photographic images. Mainly undistorted reality then. Jack Vettriano and Mark Spain. And recently - Michael Orwick. Just about the only artists I can name. Because I find them rather visually pleasing.

10. Animal prints. Love them or hate them - I love them and I think they are cool. And you can’t convince me otherwise. You can take the girl out of Eastern Europe but you can’t take Eastern Europe out of the girl. I can only negotiate on the 'how much' of animal print because there are limits to everything.

11. Movies and books can make me cry. If they do – I am more likely to remember them. Favourite film – Bugsy. Favourite books – The Temple of Gold and The Great Gatsby. There are of course others too but these came to mind straight away. Crying no doubt was involved in both cases. Including on every repeat viewing or re-read.


12. I rather like plants (and not for the connection with point 4; this happened to me way before Belbin gave me a weird label). Mostly green plants. I am not much after colours in plants (although after happy colours generally); colours in plants are ok only if they don’t clash so having the all green is just safer. I don’t think I look after my plants by the book. I don’t actually know what the book says. But even though they don’t look as good as when I bought them - they are there. Palm trees or Peace Lilly mainly. Home. Garden. Office. It’s Palm trees and Peace Lilly all round.

13. Entirely coincidently, I quite like Lilly as a name for a little girl. Although by the looks of things if one day we have a girl it has been decided she will be an Ana. Just tried playing with the combination but Liliana just does not do it for me. Anyway, that’s not me dropping a big massive hint so no point dwelling on it too long. And everything is always open to negotiation anyway.


14. It would be cool if I was a stand-up comedian. But you need balls for that and mine are only small. Or a photographer (say National Geographic or urban black & white or something). Failing that – interior design sounds interesting. These will be the top 3 alternatives. Since I am not really looking for a career change, luckily any one of those can be taken up as a hobby on a small scale. I guess I sometimes actually do them anyway - with great pleasure: cracking a joke occasionally (althoguh admittedly wittier on paper) or getting the paints and brushes out on a whim and doing a DIY colour-over. I submitted a photo to 'Time Out' magazine for the 'London through my lense' rubrick. It never got printed. Or if it did - I was no longer subscribing by then so I don't know. But I might look into those as serious hobbies some day so watch this space - the time is not 'out' just yet.

15. My childhood memories start at before the age of 4. Possibly 3. I am certain when I say this because granddad died a month after I turned 4. And I clearly remember him and the day he died and all the neighbours coming to give their respect. Mainly I remember how many shoes were outside the front door. Lots of them. The 4 year old found that rather impressive. Weirdly, in my head I judge the volume of friendships, and people whose life you touch, and the respect yu get by the number of shoes that turn up at the doorstep when it matters. So yours better be there! And I have lots of memories with granddad of things which obviously would have happened before 4. Like we regularly went for a walk so he can buy me kebabche from the train station. These were the best kebabcheta in the world. No other kebabcheta have ever come close. And 30 years later I still start crying when I think about the fact that he died then and I never really got to know him. But I feel really good that grandma got to see and know a bit of Martin. That’s probably why (despite that I loved her just as much, and quite possibly even more since we had 30 years of history) I don’t really cry about her as much as I might be expected to.

16. I love the weather in the UK. Controversial, I know. But I am ready to convert anyone who is willing to listen. You never really get too hot or too cold in the UK - we are just suspended in that 10+ to about 25C max range of the thermometer. In 13-14 years in the UK I am yet to experience the sensation of ‘frozen toes’ (something that I would get in Sofia between the months of December and March on a regular basis). And that’s without apreski or any other boots type apparel. In the summer, you don’t really need air conditioning at work or at home in the UK – you can just open the window in summer most of the time and that will do for cool air. You never really get hot and sweaty and like you didn’t shower just before leaving the house (unless sometimes packed on the Tube but that’s got nothing to do with the UK weather, it’s got to do with the transport system which by the way is also not as bad as people say – I almost always get a seat on the Northern Line). And you only need one wardrobe collection. There is no real need for winter leather jackets and ushanki hats, equally – you don’t really need very many vest tops which on men (hairy underarms or not) look ridiculous anyway. One spring/autumn collection of clothes will do you just fine which works out cheaper, takes less space at home and is less confusing in terms of finding your style. And in the UK spring comes in Feb!! I mean the daffodils will be out any time now and if you have been to Trent Park in Feb you will know what I am talking about, and if you haven’t – you must go. UK in Feb (early March at the very latest) lifts the spirits. You don't have to wait until April and possibly May for it like the rest of Europe. And it is green all year round – winter or summer – the UK is green. No dusty yellow and dry-brown sun-burnt landscape, no dirty grey fogs and see-through colour sticking out branches. Green. You’ve got to appreciate this. And if you want the proper sun and the heat waves and the flies landing on your water melon slice – you get on a plane from Luton and there you have it.

17. Costume parties = fun. Drafting the invitations for them – one of my favourite bits. Have organised lots of them. Will be organising lots of them. It’s just the way things are. Don't like it when party poopers don't join in because they are 'too cool for school'. It does not take that much really. Loosen up!


18. Men get emotionally attached to their cars. Frankly, I think I am emotionally attached to my laptop in much the same way. When I had to give back my Deloitte laptop I think I had withdrawal symptoms. I am still in mourning for some of the stuff that got lost with that laptop. I don’t even know exactly what it was I lost – may be my emails to and from people when Martin was born which I probably wish I still had and a few private emails from various people and various times over the last 8 years which I like to go back over occasionally to piece together how things unfolded. But even though this may not sound to you like it amounts to much, it breaks my heart to know we parted ways. Me and my laptop. Of course I had ordered a new one before the old one had even gone. When the new one got here – I wasn’t too sure. I had chosen a yellow one for starters and it turned out to be not the mellow yellow I had expected but a stand up/stand out/in your face yellow. It just wasn’t the same. But over time things change and this one is so much better. The yellow is just the right shade after all - wakes me up before I go-go. What that tells you about commitment in general is a whole different story. So if it is 3 things to have at a desert island – my laptop will be one. I just hope they have an electric socket and an internet connection there to last me until the ship which will save me sails by, and we are onto a winner. In such case, Ship - no rush.

19. On graduation from high school I got an award (I think it was a book, can’t remember, I was in shock, it really was not expected) for achievements in Spanish. Spanish was the only subject in which I did not achieve a 6. You look at the diploma and it is 6 from top to bottom (naturally, I am a nerd after all), except Spanish for which I believe I got 5.66 (or something along the lines of having had a 5 in one of the years of schooling). And yet – it was Spanish I got a special recognition award for. Another one to go figure! I think it might have been a pen. May be it was an engraved pen. Loco!

20. I vividly remember the first time I kissed a boy. I am trying REALLY hard as I am writing this to remember his name now for the record. I really can’t. Gee! Was I a Vamp woman? Don’t think so. I remember exactly where he lived. And the name of the girl he dumped me for – Bojana. Not the prettiest of names, right? Although beautifully Bulgarian. Eliza is kind of cooler. And apart from the connection with Hans Christian Andersen and Divite Lebedi/White Swans (which obviously is my favourite fairytale. Note - Eliza is a princess – Hear this, Bojana? Beat this if you can!) it has a hidden meaning. It is made up of the first and the last letters of my parent’s names. Emil i Zonka. Pick out the begging and the end and the ‘&’ in the middle and you get Eliza. Sadly, Emil i Zonka no longer speak to each other, and the only connection left there is just a name. That, and the legacy of incredibly complicated Chrismases "with the family" nowadays.

21. On July 21st, 2008 I discovered Aerobics. The rest as they say is history. Only Christmas puts a spanner in the wheels of that one. A big fat spanner for that matter. It took me 4 months of every day 1 hour aerobics sessions to shed 4 kilos, and only 4 days over Christmas to put all 4 kilos back on. Where is the fair in that continues to remain a mistery to me.


22. I don’t really like confrontation much. Not in person anyway. I will not complain in a restaurant even if the food is awful. May be because I am adaptable. Most probably because I rather like food (directly linked to the need for the discovery at #21). And I find it really uncomfortable if someone else at my table starts complaining. But I am the queen of paper trail complaining. I regularly write to complain and get refunds and the like. I wrote to Procter&Gamble customer service once with a hair conditioner enquiry. I can only imagine the look on the customer services rep when they got the letter. They wrote back. With a free £20 voucher for even more Procer&Gamble conditioner. And I hadn’t even complained! Just wanted to prove my sister wrong about some hair conditioning facts (Google was not that popular, if at all, back then in case you wonder why go to such lengths). Competitive then might be an adjective that describes me well.

23. I love grated carrots salad with olive oil and [lots of] vinegar even though I never really ate carrots until recently. Parsley, corriander and dill are still very much off the menu. As I said - carrots. Not sticks.



24. Spending time doing nothing much with Martin is proving to be one of the most enjoyable things I have had the opportunity to do and I keep reminding myself how grateful I should be for it. So I try as often as I can not to miss the moment pass me by. Bacause let’s face it – in not so distant future ‘Keep out of my room!’ signs will start popping up all over the place, it will be uncool to be seen with your mum in public let alone let her kiss you and eventually phone calls to university dorms will remain unreturned. I am not kidding myself about the course of things. Which, coincidently, is the explanation of why mothers-in-law have notoriously poor relationships with their daughters-in-law. The eternal conflict. But I have cracked it for you. Right there. The moment she starts getting let in his room, kissing him and getting his phone calls - we've had it! So I am all about living in the Now.

25. My secret dream is to one day may be write something and get published. Like a book or a newspaper column or something. Will happen. I mean, I hope so.


#1) The Beginning

Yey! I've made the start.

It is the beginning of a road I only sometimes think about. It seems indulgent to do it more and to do it seriously.

But the end of some things (like today's last Accounting lecture for this year) opened the space for others.

And I have made the start now.

It feels bloody good. And exciting.

It would have been good if I made the start yesterday - 22 March and first day of Spring. It would have felt like a higher sign of some sort. Slightly less glorious on 23 March. But still Spring. And sun. And big earings. And the buzz of a beginning. I mean - come on! I've even set up a blog (not that it was rocket science or anything).

The prospect of countless spelling mistakes. But not creative ones - surely.

No real tangible objective(s) in mind.

Just the flow that I will give myself to for self indulgent pleasure. In the hope that sometimes others will enjoy that too.